Nintendo Wii Fanboy

Here's a very brief list of adjectives I would almost never use to describe video games:

1. Genteel
2. Laid-back
3. Soothing

Historically, a handful of titles have bucked this trend -- Electroplankton, PlayStation 3 curio flOw, Pilotwings and its sublime 64-bit follow-up (one of this writer's all-time favorites) -- but on the whole, the term "video game" conjures up images that are far from tranquil: gobby, cornrowed marines shooting the bejesus out of this week's alien threat, epic battles with scaly fantasy creatures, futuristic pod racing, urban gang warfare. You get the idea.

Endless Ocean does things differently. Arika's scuba-diving sim is almost certainly the most relaxing, pedestrian game of 2007. And while that's certainly a welcome change from other video games, occasionally it can become a little too laid-back for its own good. Or, to be blunt, boring.


It's not difficult to explain why this is the case. You see, Endless Ocean tries terribly hard to be one of those extremely popular non-games. It comes with a Touch! Generations logo slapped on the front of its box, and a degree of accessibility that would make even the greenest gaming neophyte blush. Everything here, from the budget price tag to the yacht which acts as the game's menu hub to the truly idiot-proof controls (press the auto-swim button, then point in the direction you wish to go), is designed with more fairweather gamers in mind. Which is fine -- I'm certainly not against non-games. If they could speak, my Nintendogs would tell you that.

However, in its rush to create a non-game sensation, it seems as though Arika has neglected to include certain vital ingredients -- namely, something to keep the player coming back for more. Clearly defined goals and balanced rewards are both pretty important components of any game, yet Endless Ocean is so damn busy being An Experience For Everybody that it seems to overlook this.

Even the ultimate non-game, Brain Training, gave me something to reach for, with goals to attain and records to set. It gave me tangible markers of my progress, and that's what encouraged me and many others to return to Dr. Kawashima, often on a daily basis. Endless Ocean has very few ways of highlighting progress, and it proves to be the game's undoing.


There's a hefty index that you can slowly fill as you befriend, pet, and feed each of the game's 200-odd beasties, yet doing so feels pointless, with little to gain from the exercise. There's a threadbare storyline which is likely to quickly lose your attention. There's a mini-game that allows you to teach stunts to a dolphin, and which has all the depth of a puddle. And every now and again, you'll get to conduct a guided dive with a client, usually with instructions to find a specific fish, though whether your hunt is successful or not, you'll still get roughly the same response: a politely worded email thanking you for your time, and maybe a new diving mask.

In truth, my lack of desire to return to the game on a regular basis is a bit of a shame, as Endless Ocean does do other things well. For one, it's certainly not too hard on the eye. Admittedly, your yacht is slightly bland in places, but beneath the surface of the water (where you'll spend most of your time anyway) things often look rather dreamy. The sealife is fluidly animated, with some of the bigger fish looking especially convincing, and there's just enough variety in the environments to maintain interest.

Certain moments can even inspire a sense of genuine wonder, such as the first time you cross paths with a Blue Whale, and yes, it can be oddly cathartic. The simplified controls and reliable camera are also a blessing, allowing you to investigate your surroundings without the added hassle of thinking too much about awkward button combinations.