Nintendo Wii Fanboy

This week's press conference from Nintendo was like Reggie himself coming to your door, clutching a bouquet of awesome announcements, and saying "I'm sorry about E3." Indeed, I can't help but think that just one of the awesome titles announced in the past week could have prevented much of the animosity hurled at Nintendo following their ho-hum presentation at the summer exhibition.

But then again, Nintendo has always been one to surprise us. They've made good moves and bad, interesting decisions coupled with utterly clueless assumptions, and made us wonder what the hell they were thinking while amazing us with what they're capable of. Here's the Top 5 biggest surprises unleashed by the Big N.

Ugh, I'm so sick with the obsession over Mega Man 9. WE GET IT, IT'S A RETRO GAME. WHOOPEE. No, seriously, I'm sick of my own obsession with it. I still haven't picked up Wario Land: Shake It!, de Blob, or NHL 2K9. That's mainly because I've spent every waking moment enjoying the blue bomber's latest outing. My Wii Fit board is scolding me for its lack of use, my girlfriend is feeling neglected, and apparently my judgment is slipping. But there's something about the game that just won't let go of me. The thing should be illegal for its extremely addictive nature, right next to heroin and Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips.

I usually fall behind on discussing recent games, as I like to take awhile to fully absorb and process the arts and entertainment before I comment on it. But I think my Wii's play log will testify that I've made myself quite familiar with the title. The main quest is conquered, the event challenges are being slowly but steadily checked off the list, and I'm trying my best to climb the leaderboards of the time attack levels. Without any further ego-stroking, here's the top five things we love about Mega Man 9. Then we won't talk about it for a few weeks. Promise! ... maybe.

You know, I told myself (and others) that I wasn't going to do this. But I can't ignore it. Today is the day that Mega Man makes his glorious return. Like a modern V-day, the blue bomber is coming home and completing his duty of pleasing the hardcore enthusiasts. With a rarely-seen level of excitement and anticipation being dispersed by the gaming community, we might as well have Mega Man slowly ride the streets through a ticker-tape parade seated on top of a convertible. I didn't want to stir the pot by declaring what the best Mega Man games are due to some sacred cows surrounding the topic. But ignoring honesty for the sake of peace and comfort would be committing a great disservice to us all.

We decided to take a look at the highlights of the Mega Man series. Any title in the expansive universe was acceptable. But let's be honest: there's only going to be games from the original and X series (as if Mega Man Star Force stood a chance). And with any luck, today's release will find its way onto this list.

Here's a heads-up: you might not agree with these choices. I did my best to provide arguments of why every game belongs on this list and in the order that it does. In the interests of intelligent debate, please do the same in your rebuttals.

As the release of Mega Man 9 looms closer, the so-called "old school gamers" are about 17 pixels away from exploding out of their skin with anticipation. This is the retro gamer equivalent of a "Phan" witnessing a Phish reunion. The kid inside all of us, having been smothered behind flabby beer guts for years, is beginning to crawl towards the surface. I imagine there's quite a few younger gamers who scratch their heads at all of the love for comparatively prehistoric graphics and gameplay. However, if one were to wipe off the thick coat of nostalgia emblazoned onto the games of long ago, they'd often find enjoyable and satisfying titles. They're not definitively better or worse; just different from much of what is released today. Some prefer that, and they're hungry for more.

The biggest hurdle for those folks is commercial success. Not too long ago, retro revivals were rarely considered serious. After all, it would be silly to have Mega Man 9 released on a retail DVD disc. Yet with the success of downloadable services, the floodgates are now blown wide open. The slightly less hyped but similarly retro-themed Gradius: Rebirth was just released in Japan, and cowboy hat-clad developer Igarashi has stated that he's "very much looking into [WiiWare]." Perhaps the style of retro gaming is seeping into the bloodstream of major retail releases. Despite the beautiful hand-drawn graphics and cutscenes of Wario Land: Shake It!, the gameplay is heavily grounded in 2D. Perhaps we're experiencing a retro-renaissance, if I may quote Mr. Greenhough.

With this in mind, here's a few more dusty franchises we're nominating to be reborn through the birth canal of Nintendo's online service (wow, gross). These range from the unexpected to painfully obscure, so don't be offended if your favorite was not included. A small note: I excluded some IPs due to either a retro-esque presence on the GBA/DS or because they are likely destined for WiiWare. These include Mario, Castlevania, Contra and Metroid.

As someone who's been following Nintendo for quite awhile, they've almost never failed to surprise me. Though their origins are classic, Nintendo-developed games are continuously refined, retooled, and revitalized. Some may buy into that old standard line used mostly for musical artists that makes you sound cool: "their older stuff is better." Such broad generalizations are silly: to ignore Super Mario Galaxy because of a fetish for Super Mario Bros. would be dogmatic.

But for those of us growing long in the gaming tooth, we're led to wonder where all of these classic IPs are headed. It's hard to imagine a gaming world without Nintendo's current A-listers, but does anyone have a solid idea of what future iterations of our favorite franchises will be like? Now that just about every gangbuster franchise has been successfully embedded in 3D, we're at a loss as to the next big step for gaming.

Some of us have really good ideas, but I'm positively stumped as to where these franchises are going.

Gaming is a hobby, but sometimes it can feel like a job. As developers try to boost replayability, your gaming commitments can become anxiety-inducing. Just ask anyone who dared to attempt achieving 100% of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. At first, it's a fun and wonderful romp through a vivid world that's just oozing with life and character. By the end, you wish you'd never left Vice City. Did anyone here complete all of Super Smash Bros Brawl? I'm talking Classic Mode with every character, all of the Event matches, the target smashes, and every trophy and sticker available. At a certain point, some games can become an obligation rather than a means to entertainment.

Today being Labor Day in the US, let's take a break from completing every mission, collecting every star, and unlocking all bonus content. Sometime between your 11 AM rise from bed and your evening consumption of copious amounts of hot dogs at your family barbeque, take some time to truly enjoy gaming. Here's our Top 5 recommendations.

Rejoice, Wii-owners. You posses the only (un-modded) home console capable of hosting the greatest gaming catalogue of all-time. The Virtual Console's ability to provide an extensive back catalog coupled with the retail and WiiWare releases of Nintendo's latest instant-classics makes your system the inarguable flagship of Nintendo gaming. It's quite an amazing accomplishment: stuffing such immense gaming potency inside one little white box (save for disk space, you freakin' otaku).

Yet it'd be foolish and utterly fanboy-ish to act as if Nintendo were the all-powerful supreme chancellor of gaming. They are considered the best by many, but Nintendo is not the only company that creates amazing titles. Many of these come from third parties. Despite claims to the contrary, third party relations appear to be proceeding very well on the Wii. However, through a combination of first party titles on other systems as well as numerous issues which affect third party efforts, we must face the truth: good games sometimes go to non-Nintendo systems. Madness, right?! Here's our Top Five games that we wish Wii had.

Musicians have Vienna. Catholics have the Vatican. And gamers have Japan. While many significant contributions to the world of gaming have come from outside the Land of the Rising Sun, Japan is the unassailable fountainhead of modern video gaming. It's the birth and workplace of gaming giants such as Hideo Kojima, Shinji Mikami, Yuji Naka, and probably others. To say that Japan is a place that hardcore gamers need to check out is an understatement at best.

Recently, I took a week to visit my brother who teaches English at a Japanese university near Nagoya. Hundreds of thousands of words could be used to describe the wonderful food, the beautiful temples, and the unique culture of the country. But being a life-long gamer, I paid special attention to the distinct connection between the country and the gaming scene we all know and love. For the Top 5, I usually come up with a topic, then list the top five items for that topic in order. For this edition, it was truly difficult to narrow it down to only five. With that in mind, here's my best attempt at listing the Top 5 gaming elements of my time in Japan.

Man, there are those who really love to complain. After viewing Zero Punctuation's latest video, I've decided that the old phrase distributed liberally by parents and teachers is indeed very true: "you can't please everyone." Nintendo themselves must have felt this pretty hard after their E3 showing was widely perceived as sub-par. On the gamers' side, even those who were most disappointed usually turned to any of the numerous third party efforts for hope. Understanding that Zero Punctuation is mostly intended as farce, it's difficult to call them out. Yet one glaring assertion must be rebutted: E3 2008 was most definitely not the year of the sequel. In fact, on the Nintendo side, the exact opposite was true.

For the first time in a long while, I'm much more excited about upcoming third party releases than Nintendo titles as a whole (save for Wario Land: Shake It!). As those of us who braved the GameCube generation quickly learned, a console cannot survive on first party titles alone -- even those of the highest quality. Here are the top five original third party games that we are excited about.

Hardcore gamers sure do hate tacked-on waggle. Indeed, no one likes to flail their arms around like they're trying to signal aircraft when a simple button press will do. And the guys on the other sides seem to be under the impression that the Wii is nothing but a PS2 that replaces thumb pressing with wrist flicking. So when a new title or an iteration of an existing franchise gets announced for the Wii, the non-believers tend to thumb their snooty noses and prattle amongst themselves with ingenious statements like "Dead Rising on the Wii? More like Waggle Rising. YEAH! HIGH FIVE, BRAH!" All right, maybe they're not quite as neanderthalic, but the sentiment remains: the use of waggle is often met with skepticism from the core.

To ignore the importance of waggle would be to forget what makes the Wii so awesome. Sure, some games have no real need for motion-based controls, but let us not forget the joy and immersion experienced by the non-gamer who first picked up a Wiimote and found themselves instantly engaged in a lively tennis match. To downplay motion controls would be to forget what made the Wii so successful in the first place. Without it, the Wii would be just a beefed-up GameCube. (THERE, I said it!) Just for a moment, let us forget about why Super Mario RPG has yet to be released on the North American Virtual Console and go back to the flood of imagination we felt when the Wiimote was first unveiled. Here are the activities we wish were made into games on the Wii.

When describing people like us, the media tends to churn out some pretty hideous labels. One of the more sickening terms is "the YouTube Generation." As though our entire existence revolves around Miss Teen South Carolina and Rickrolling. Though the generalization is annoying, one does have to concede that the video-hosting website has a fairly large effect on our society. Coupled with the fact that many people carry phones with the ability to record video, the public is now a walking telescreen whose surveillance potential would make Big Brother blush. Particularly in the heat of a presidential election, Senators Obama and McCain have to keep on constant alert for that all-powerful snafu. One slip of the tongue and they may find themselves having their own macaca moment.

Privacy issues aside, YouTube is a great place to take the pulse of a culture. Just type in a subject, and instantly you're provided with news stories, film and television references, artistic responses, editorial presentations, and individual observations. Given the gaming community's incredibly strong presence online, YouTube is packed with videos of/for/about gamers. As to be expected, there are hundreds of thousands of videos inspired by or based on Nintendo's history. Indeed, a simple search for the word "Nintendo" yields about a half a million results. Aside from the usual dead horse-beating of people acting out "Mario in the real world!" (OH WOW LOOK HE WENT DOWN A PIPE JUST LIKE MARIO DOES), there's a wealth of quality Nintendo-related videos that all should experience. Here is our top five.

5. Zelda Rap - There are embarrassing memories that, despite all best efforts to forget, will replay in one's mind until the brain isn't supplied with oxygen anymore. Eventually, however, the awful moments can desensitize the public such that the original matter loses its acidity. It's similar to a hot fudge sundae-induced brain freeze. At first, it's shocking and awful. But then you start to grow used to it, and before long you're dying for one due to its association with ice cream heaven. This basic principle applies to Nintendo's 1986 "Zelda Rap" commercial. As a couple of kids are sitting on a couch, the nerdier of the two asks, "Did you see the latest Nintendo newsletter?" (I've always loved how commercials choose to ignore the way people actually talk) While one might expect an immediate wincing reaction to the crispy freestyle that follows, the more common response is similar to a post-Jim Norton joke: "wow, he really went there ... like, all the way there without looking back." A week after viewing, you may find yourself reciting your own NES-influenced rhymes.

As the fallout of E3 rests upon the public, Nintendo finds themselves pelted by fierce criticism. Forum posts and blog comments have been predicting the assassination of the Wii core gamer. Not surprisingly, the most ominous declarations have been coming from within Nintendo's ranks. A civil war has been declared, and the fanboys are ready to revolt against the casuals. Though this core gamer is not ready to take sides, I will admit that Nintendo's press conference was quite underwhelming. It wasn't a complete and utter failure; the bigwigs at Nintendo made no bones about their intentions. Additionally, one can argue that the financial foundation of the casual gamer endows Nintendo with more capital to support first party efforts. And by having the most successful console, third parties are likely to focus resources on Nintendo's magnificent machine. Certainly, all parties had impressive titles associated with E3, such as Dead Rising, The Conduit, NHL 2K9, Wario Land: Shake It!, Mega Man 9, and plenty to be excited about on the DS.

Though Nintendo didn't close with a Jobs-esque "one more thing" slobberknocker, they accomplished what they set out to do. Yet dissatisfaction remains: the definitive description of Nintendo's E3 presence is a resounding meh. Here is a look at some of the most famous "mehs" in Nintendo history. Not utter failures, mind you. Rather, items that were simply met with indifference.

5. The Super Scope - The Nintendo Entertainment System was offered in several different "bundles," with the most successful bundle containing the successful NES Zapper. The light gun was a relatively new concept and simple to use. Plus, my cousin's friend said you can totally shoot the dog if you get to the 50th level in Duck Hunt and enter the Konami code on the second controller. Like many successes of the NES, Nintendo tried to transfer the idea of gun play to the SNES. Thus, the Super Scope was created. While the Zapper was similar in appearance to a revolver, the Super Scope was shaped more like a bazooka. This proved to be uncomfortable and not nearly as cool as the original. Plus, the device relied on infrared instead of light flashes, which was found to be less precise. The nail in the coffin was that the Super Scope went through AA batteries like I go through cheesesteaks: in ridiculous numbers.

This week sees the commencement of E3, the Super Bowl for gamers. On Tuesday, Nintendo will announce all of its big plans for the rest of the year, sending fanboys and fangirls alike into a frenzy. And while others choose to give us predictions of what we will see, here is the much more important information: things that we won't be seeing.

5. The Game Boy Ultra - Around the time that the DS was first announced, Nintendo made a point to clarify that the new dual-screened portable was more of a "third pillar" than the next installment in the Game Boy line. But then the DS started printing money ... lots and lots of it. Regardless, in an effort to stay true to their word (as they always do), Nintendo will unveil the Game Boy Ultra. The sleek handheld will feature a small but crisp widescreen display showcasing wonderful GameCube-esque graphics. In fact, it will be backwards-compatible with all GameCube games, using the same 8cm discs as Nintendo's last-gen console. Also, similar to the PSP's remote play, the Game Boy Ultra will connect to the Wii and allow data transfers to an SD card. This will allow Virtual Console and select WiiWare games to be played on the go. And since Nintendo plans to keep DS owners in agony by not announcing New Super Mario Bros. 2, they will reveal that the Game Boy Ultra will ship packaged with a free copy of Super Mario Bros. Ultra.

Survey Says: Not necessary; Contra 4 removes the need for any other portable game or system.

Every Monday, Wii Fanboy brings you the Top 5. Inspired by sages such as David Letterman and John Cusack, the Top 5 will give us a chance to share our opinions on the numerous facets of a vast video game culture. And after all, who doesn't like reading these kinds of lists (and then bitching about them afterwards)? So jump right in, agree or disagree, and maybe leave a comment with your own personal Top 5.

The first batch of WiiWare was released awhile ago, and there have been high-profile releases, as well as a few future cult-classics. Despite the plentiful start, there are still many more titles on the horizon. Here's a look at what we are anticipating the most.

5. Bomberman - Since 1983, not much has changed in the Bomberman universe. This has its pros and cons. It's good because the basic Bomberman formula is not one that needs tinkering with. It's bad because, well, it's a little ridiculous to shell out full retail price for the same game generation after generation. Then along comes Bomberman for WiiWare. Nintendo's downloadable service is the perfect platform for a game such as this. With online multiplayer for 2 - 8 players, this release should be everything we need out of Bomberman: simple, classic gameplay for a reasonable price. The reduced cost should be wonderful news for wallets that were unfortunate enough to weather Bomberman, Super Bomberman, Bomberman 64, and Bomberman Generation.