Nintendo Wii Fanboy

I have fond memories of your mother -- yes, all of your mothers. Up until now, I've kept those memories separate from Wii Fanboy, mostly out of professional courtesy. After seeing how most of you ignored Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure, however, I have thrown civility out the window. The gloves are off now, and good riddance, as it'd be difficult to type about the games that remind me of your mom while wearing those restrictive mittens.

Star Trek: Conquest didn't fare too well in our last metareview, partly due to its lack of options, and partly because its retail price of $30 is double that of the near-identical PS2 version. There isn't anything short of a time-travel episode that can be done about that first complaint considering that the game is already out in the market, and, unfortunately, we used up our one time-travel episode for the season when we visited Nickelodeon's studios in 1996 to stop them from canceling the original Are You Afraid of the Dark? series. We regret to report that we weren't able to complete that important mission due to interference by the Romulans.

Amazon has addressed that second criticism, though, cutting the strategy/shooter title's price by a third and selling it now for only $19.99! This deal ends today, so pick it up now if you're interested, but just keep in mind the 19th Rule of Acquisition: "Satisfaction is not guaranteed."

[Via CAG]

We were excited when we heard that Bethesda was bringing Star Trek: Conquest to the Wii, even more so when the strategy/shooter's $30 budget pricing was revealed ($15 for the PS2 version). So, now that it's out, is it worth its weight in gold-pressed latinum? Well, no.

IGN -- 68%: Though Star Trek: Conquest is technically sound, IGN doesn't think there's enough there to warrant pruchasing: "The game is obviously a quick cash-out strategy game that does little to innovate, and lacks the serious depth it takes to sit among the ranks of strategy greats ... For starters, there's no multiplayer at all in the game, so while it's a turn-based board game in nearly every respect, you'll be playing one-on-one with the computer only, rather than bringing friends into the action via local or online play. Even further, the game has no real story mode, as it only includes a user-defined 'Campaign' mode and skirmish extra mode."

Gamespy -- 20%: GameSpy agrees, and takes issue with its combat portions and inaccuracies: "It's not a very good shooter, with trudging controls, no choice over which of your ships you control (you only get to control one), and bland graphics. And just to drive the license fully into the ground, you'll encounter fun things like Borg spheres as fast/light 'scout' vessels. Technically, Conquest could be worse, since it loads quickly and has no real technical issues. But there is simply no reason to play this game or spend the money on it."

Remember how every other episode of The Next Generation climaxed with some sort of warp core breach that required a saucer separation? The red alert klaxon would sound off and the camera would cut to a shot of Geordi rolling dramatically under one of the descending emergency gates, just narrowly escaping death and ensuring he'd be around to host another episode of Reading Rainbow.

We imagine that's just how your Christmas morning would play out if someone were to gift you Star Trek: Conquest, except instead of a saucer separation, you'll be running out of the house and jumping into your car, driving away as fast as possible, glancing at your rearview mirror just in time to see your house explode spectacularly behind you.

Something is strange about the Gamefly listing for the possibly-upcoming Star Trek Conquest. There's no mention of a Conquest on (apparent) publisher Bethesda's home page, nor on their Star Trek page. But Gamefly already has a pretty official-looking boxart there. How do they get these things so early? We have no reason to doubt Gamefly in this case, but we wonder why we haven't heard anything else about the game, which shares its name with a weird online collectible card game thing.

But don't set your Wiimote phaser to stun just yet, Kirk. And put down your imaginary disruptor, bat'leth, mek'leth, d'k tahg, Ferengi energy whip, and that weird Vulcan psychic weapon from that one episode. The Bethesda Star Trek games are all about space combat, so it's unlikely you'll be doing any hand-to-hand zapping.

[Via Siliconera]

For those of you who thought that Oblivion could grace the Wii (the game is coming to the PSP, so why shouldn't it be doable on the Wii, right?), you might want to take a seat. Oh, wait, you're already sitting, aren't you? Right, right ... well, uh ... it's not coming to Wii. Nope, no chance it'll grace the system as Bethesda's vice president of Marketing Peter Hines denies the rumor during a GameIndustry.biz interview.

Hines goes on to destroy our hopes by stating "It's something we'd like to do, but unfortunately it's not a very good fit with Oblivion. Oblivion is a very demanding game hardware-wise and in terms of graphics processing and raw horsepower. It's not something the Wii was designed to do. They decided not to make the focus on raw horsepower but on interface and so forth. It's a great console and many of us at Bethesda have one but I know that bringing Oblivion over is not possible - we'd have to do a whole new game." Right, but couldn't a port, with some cleaned up graphics, of the PSP Oblivion be possible on the Wii? The PSP is just a smaller PS2 or something, right?

What do you guys think? Would you want Oblivion on the Wii?