Nintendo Wii Fanboy

The only possible way to make Data Design Interactive's Wii games look good is to put them next to Phoenix Games' offerings. Luckily for DDI, and unluckily for people without healthy senses of humor who may receive one of these, that is exactly what is happening. Phoenix announced plans to publish fourteen Wii games starting in April. The list includes surefire hits like Rat-a-Box, Lion and the King 3, and Monster Dessert (okay, we actually want to know what that last one is).

Whereas Data Design just makes bad games, Phoenix makes complete garbage, including barely interactive, sub-CDI-level, copyright-infringing animated movies with voice acting from whoever happened to walk by. Phoenix's games are the very definition of "shovelware."

While these games plagued Europe on the PS2, they have yet to make it to the United States, presumably because it's expensive to ship things.

[Via Cubed3]

We don't normally cover individual reviews on Wii Fanboy unless we're, you know, writing them. But there aren't enough reviews online of either of these two games to Metareview either one, and we had to make a mention of IGN's reviews of Data Design Interactive's Mini Desktop Racing and Offroad Extreme! Special Edition. These games managed to score 1.2 and 1.0 respectively. That's from IGN, who frequently gets taken to task for their "8-10 review scale."

Check out some quotes from these reviews: Matt C says that "To (Offroad Extreme's) credit, the title features a comprehensive "how to play" tutorial, but unfortunately lacks an accompanying "why to play" one." And Mark Bozon says that "(Mini Desktop Racing's) credits mention no game designer at all though, so that explains a lot," as well as labeling the game "another shovelware title that simply needs to be ignored at all costs."

The Wii has some bad games, but these two from the creators of Ninjabread Man sound like they've raised (lowered?) the bar. We are now driven by an uncontrollable compulsion to play these two games.

[Via NeoGAF]

In its first year, the Wii has changed the video game landscape. It's brought people in who never thought they would care about video games. New methods of interacting with onscreen events have been invented. The image of the video game has started swinging away from the nerd-basement stereotype and toward a more family-friendly, even trendy experience.

But the Wii is still a game console, and it can't be completely different from every other console. It's a universal rule that all video game systems must be populated by a bunch of really terrible games, and the Wii has certainly done an admirable job of attracting cheaply-made, ill-conceived, untested, embarrassing garbage. It's really a mark of a system's popularity that so many publishers have come running with their shovels. It's a mark of the Wii's strength as a platform, as well, that it has managed to survive despite the existence of some of these games.

We decided to celebrate this aspect of the Wii by highlighting the five lowest-scoring games on Metacritic's list of reviewed Wii games. The bottom five epitomizes pretty much everything that is terrible about games: hastily thrown-together licensed games, cash-in ports, and games whose ambition far outweighs their budgets. And Chicken Shoot. The worst part? In ten years, every single one of these games will be an extremely rare collectors' item, drawing several times its retail price on eBay, or whatever the future space version of eBay is. And you will want to buy them.

And then Elvis came and denounced the horoscopes, and then Sony made a good PR move. No, folks, astrology is total crap, but that didn't stop some hotshot from making an entertaining article using lots of silly-sounding terms like "synastry" and "radix". Who's destined to come out on top?

As it turns out, Sony has its celestial bodies in order for the coming year. The 360 is decent, but the worst? My goodness, it's the Nintendo Wii. Apparently, the Wii's residence within Scorpio denotes permanence. This clashes with their "active" gaming philosophy, thus creating an unfavorable situation for the company in the future.

The PS3, looking hotter than the Wii? Now we know astrology is fake.

[via Joystiq]