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Japanese hardware sales, Jun. 4 - Jun. 10: Harry Potter edition

Posted Jun 15th 2007 10:30PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

The final release of Harry Potter, one of the most widespread, wonderful literary series ever written, is coming to a close come July 21st. We'd like to take a moment and salute J. K. Rowling for reintroducing the better part of a world to the joys of reading, because hey, if no one read, we'd be out of our jobs. Pick up Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as soon as you can, guys. Trust us.

Harry Potter and the Japanese Hardware Sales

"Harry," said Ron, slightly out of breath, "Snape'll go nutters if we're late again. Remember what he did to Neville?"

"Yeah," replied Harry, throwing himself down a shifting staircase and sprinting through the corridors. Snape had used a particularly nasty hex on the frequently tardy Neville, turning his hands into N-Gages. Harry allowed himself a momentary shudder.

They rounded a corner and began the descent into Snape's dungeon of a classroom, Harry's least favorite place at Hogwarts. Even disregarding his immense dislike of Severus Snape, Harry had never had much of a knack for Potions; it was always his lowest grade of the term.

Suddenly, Ron stopped dead ahead of him. Harry slammed into his back, nearly toppling the two down the hard, stone stairs.

Continue reading Japanese hardware sales, Jun. 4 - Jun. 10: Harry Potter edition

Japanese hardware sales, May 28 - Jun. 3: Explanatory Aqua Teen edition

Posted Jun 9th 2007 4:45PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

We know, you were disappointed. Last night, as you happily refreshed Wii Fanboy every nine seconds or so looking for this week's Japanese hardware sales, the vim slowly faded from your eyes as the hours ticked into oblivion. We would never willingly deprive our readers so; we were unavoidably delayed! You see ....

Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him ... there were the moon men, reigning over the Earth. But this was not the Earth you knew! It was covered in jelly and high-density motor oil, making the planet very slippery. The moon men blamed the corporations, and there was a war and many were killed. The battle raged for millennia until 8000 A.D., when the moon men realized they were not actually from the moon, but from rural Pennsylvania. They then built a monument to the moon but then the Quakers stole it and filled it with oatmeal, and no one knew what flavor. Californians were highly displeased and turned all the Quakers invisible, which is why you never see them anymore. And that ... is where babies come from.

- DS Lite: 123,140 4,321 (3.39%)
- Wii: 69,748 11,104 (18.93%)
- PSP: 26,358 261 (1.00%)
- PS2: 11,814 503 (4.45%)
- PS3: 8,998 629 (6.53%)
- Xbox 360: 2,219 175 (8.56%)
- Game Boy Micro: 310 97 (23.83%)
- GBA SP: 247 41 (14.24%)
- Gamecube: 226 30 (11.72%)
- DS Phat: 71 10 (12.35%)
- GBA: 16 1 (5.88%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese hardware sales, May 21 - May 27: Step by Step edition

Posted Jun 1st 2007 9:10PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: News, Features

Some of our readers wonder exactly what they're supposed to do with the Japanese hardware sales every week. To promote enlightenment and worldwide harmony, we've taken the liberty of creating a step-by-step walkthrough of a proper response to the weekly figures. Adhere to these rules whenever possible, and if you must deviate, remember to at least properly remove all semblance of standard English grammar from your comments.

1. Look for any obvious outliers in the sales data, such as the Nintendo DS falling out of first place. This will never occur; advance to step 2.

2. Statistical variation causes slight fluctuations every week. Immediately look for numbers that come close to dividing evenly into one another; this enables comments such as, "lol, wii sold 5x of PS3s this week, pwnage."

3. Should any Nintendo systems suffer a decrease in sales, come up with reasons as to why they dropped. The usually accurate "supply is unable to currently meet demand" excuse is no longer sufficient in most cases. Come up with creative replies like, "redirected shipments of software caused a temporary instability in the retail market," or "lol ghost of kutaragi put a curse on teh DS kekekekeke."

4. There will invariably be a Sony or Microsoft troll, defending his or her own system while attacking your own. Henceforth, we'll be posting IP addresses and relevant contact information*; please take it upon yourselves to attack and/or maim the aforementioned troll, preferably with some kind of mace that grants +7 strength while fighting trolls.

*Really.**

- DS Lite: 127,461 16,248 (14.61%)
- Wii: 58,644 6,451 (12.36%)
- PSP: 26,097 1,408 (5.12%)
- PS2: 11,311 430 (3.95%)
- PS3: 9,627 968 (11.18%)
- Xbox 360: 2,044 18 (0.89%)
- Game Boy Micro: 407 21 (4.91%)
- GBA SP: 288 42 (12.73%)
- Gamecube: 256 20 (7.25%)
- DS Phat: 81 55 (211.54%)
- GBA: 17 16 (48.48%)

[Source: Media Create]

**Not really.

Japanese hardware sales, May 14 - May 20: Satisfactory edition

Posted May 26th 2007 12:20AM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

Having issues with performance? Can't seem to keep those sales numbers up? Disappointed in your ability to satisfy Japanese schoolchildren? It's okay, Mr. Miyamoto. It's not you, it's just ... you know ... they've seen it all before. They want something new. They need something big, and yours just isn't big enough. But boy, do we have a product for you!

Trust us. With regular use comes a guaranteed increase in size, or your money back! Girls will flock to you, women will be putty in your hands! After all, we've seen the results firsthand. Yes, that's right, we've sunk quite a bit of our own money and time into this product, and we're just absolutely 100% positive you'll start seeing results within a few weeks. And hey, it's not your fault nature didn't give you a little more to work with! So go ahead and start Training Your Brain, Miyamoto-san, and give those women what they really want: your astronomically high IQ.

- DS Lite: 111,213 52,572 (32.10%)
- Wii: 52,193 351 (0.67%)
- PSP: 27,505 6,928 (20.12%)
- PS2: 10,881 467 (4.48%)
- PS3: 8,659 180 (2.04%)
- Xbox 360: 2,026 79 (3.75%)
- Game Boy Micro: 428 20 (4.90%)
- GBA SP: 330 13 (3.79%)
- Gamecube: 276 39 (12.38%)
- GBA: 33 15 (83.33%)
- DS Phat: 26 13 (33.33%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese hardware sales, May. 7 - May 13: Office Space edition

Posted May 18th 2007 11:15PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Fan stuff

David: Hey, Jason, yeahhhh, I'm gonna need you to get on those JHS reports ... did you see the memo?

Jason: Uh, yeah, I saw it. Thanks, Dave.

David: Good, good. I'll let you get to it, then.

(Jason sighs, and begins to type frantically.)

Alisha: Heyyyyy, Jason, did you see the mem--

Jason: For the love of God, yes. I'm on it.

Alisha: No need to snap, Jason. Sounds like someone has a case of the Fridays.

(Jason mumbles as Alisha walks away. JC and Eric approach.)

JC: I can't believe it. I told those fudgepackers I liked JC's music. Me! I've never despised any form of sensory input as I do those songs.

Continue reading Japanese hardware sales, May. 7 - May 13: Office Space edition

Japanese hardware sales, Apr. 30 - May 6: Deja vu edition

Posted May 12th 2007 12:01AM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

I see you're back, kid. No surprise there. You've hit the rarest of the rare candies, and Level 100 wasn't enough for you? You're flying high for awhile, but then even that's not enough. Believe me, I know.

So let me tell you what's I've got here, kid. I call it shine. I have to grow 8,192 plants just to make one of these little pills, but kid, you've never seen a Psywave like this. It makes you stronger, faster, hell, even your skin changes color. It's luxury, it's lightning ....

So, you wanna score some--whoa, whoa, not so fast, kid! Last time was a freebie, a little icing before the cake. I'm gonna need something more than just sales charts. I'm gonna need some sort of tripped-up magical cartoon dream sequence ... no, make that two tripped up cartoon dream sequences. Oh, baby, yes. I am rollin'.

Don't forget those charts, too, kid, and remember ... you'll be back ...

- DS Lite: 285,123 29,152 (11.39%)
- Wii: 101,320 1,202 (1.17%)
- PSP: 35,172 1,312 (3.87%)
- PS2: 14,815 2,231 (17.73%)
- PS3: 12,974 183 (1.43%)
- Xbox 360: 3,205 43 (1.36%)
- Gamecube: 394 227 (135.93%)
- Game Boy Micro: 340 290 (46.03%)
- GBA SP: 302 193 (38.99%)
- DS Phat: 69 23 (25.00%)
- GBA: 11 11 (Trippin%)

[Source: Media Create]

(... it's signed by Fatal1ty ...)

Japanese hardware sales, Apr. 16 - Apr. 22: Civil War edition

Posted Apr 28th 2007 12:30AM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

Camp Lincoln Keokuk Iowa
October the 23rd, 1862
To Miss Dorothy W. Sullivan

My darling Dorothy,

I will inform you that I am well at this time, in this God Forsaken regiment. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I am to be no more. Death is coming, Dorothy, I can feel its stench in the blood-soaked battlefields on which we stand, in the eyes of my comrades as they see the fallen friends who once laughed and drank alongside.

Would I were back with you, dear Dorothy, that all happiness should come to us as it once did. My country hath borne me on these winds away from you, and unseeing with my one eye 'gainst your two, I tread as they so commanded. Your bright smile still warms me as I lay in drought, and those who would care care not about me, and those who do not pay as much mind as they did.

My forefathers have fallen, and yours live strong; our children might not remember the lineage which I bestow. O Dorothy! Do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

- Percy Sullivan

- DS Lite: 172,359 39,034 (29.28%)
- Wii: 77,913 2,154 (2.84%)
- PSP: 29,459 4,609 (18.55%)
- PS2: 11,398 1,474 (11.45%)
- PS3: 11,000 948 (7.93%)
- Xbox 360: 2,307 593 (20.45%)
- GBA SP: 860 206 (31.50%)
- Game Boy Micro: 449 168 (27.23%)
- Gamecube: 266 99 (59.28%)
- DS Phat: 81 65 (44.52%)
- GBA: 55 29 (111.54%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese hardware sales, Apr. 9 - Apr. 15: 433420-302039 Edition

Posted Apr 20th 2007 11:15PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

"You n00b sunnuva bitch," said the legendary knight 3494-5541-9771. "Pwnage ... is inevitable."

"Hah!" said his adversary, 7111-9463-2931. "If you wish to grok your princess once more, you'll taste the fury of my skillz!" He raised his arms high in the air. "363171-765491, I summon thee from the shades of hell! Rise forth and rock this bitch!"

The ground shook, and from a spewing chasm came the beast, hideous and deformed. 3494-5541-9771 stood his ground. No creature would keep him from his princess. He dodged a 7612-8113-4353-1919 and drew his 1913-1564-8328, shining in the darkness. With one deft blow he severed the 363171-765491's head, and leapt toward 7111-9463-2931.

"Boom--" shouted 7111-9463-2931, raising his staff. The two collided--

"HEADSHOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"

And all was silent. 3494-5541-9771 had won. He sheathed his 1913-1564-8328 and approached his beautiful princess, 654232-918811. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Did you ... did you pwn him?"

"I did, fair princess."

"Well done, knight. And now, your just reward..." She slowly began to disrobe...

"Wait," she said suddenly. "Do I have your Friend Code?"

"What? I don't need your friend co--"

"Sorry, sweetie," said 654232-918811, donning her gown once more. "No code, no multiplayer." She walked away.

"I ... but ... FRAK!"

(Seriously, Nintendo. This crap is ridiculous.)

- DS Lite: 133,325 22,480 (20.28%)
- Wii: 75,759 23,176 (44.08%)
- PSP: 24,850 6,653 (21.12%)
- PS2: 12,872 1,362 (9.57%)
- PS3: 11,948 2,572 (17.71%)
- Xbox 360: 2,900 63 (2.13%)
- GBA SP: 654 179 (21.49%)
- Game Boy Micro: 617 105 (20.51%)
- Gamecube: 167 88 (34.51%)
- DS Phat: 146 56 (62.22%)
- GBA: 26 14 (116.67%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese hardware sales, Mar. 26 - Apr. 1: Limited edition

Posted Apr 7th 2007 12:01AM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

Imagine as though you've just opened a freshly minted pack of edition, fresh from the factory. You tear through the commons ... Unicorn Edition, Fourth Dimensional Edition, Richard Simmons Edition ... and there, sitting amongst the dreck, is the rarest of the rare. Truly, you are blessed this day, as you hold the special foil-etched edition to the sky, reflecting the sunlight in prisms of rarity.

This edition, friends, contains only the finest materials. Text is inlaid with pure gold, and we give you our solemn promise that the edition you see, right on your computer screen, is in fact number (JAVASCRIPT.parsingError: pageViews modulo 1000) out of 1000! That's freakin' rare.

Now, you may encase said edition in a cheap plastic sheath, and bring it to school to brag to all your friends. You can battle against those other editions, too. Remember! Not everyone has received this edition. Only you, and perhaps a handful of other bless'ed souls. Feel special, dear reader, and gaze upon these VIP-only sales numbers.

- DS Lite: 79,897 50,652 (38.80%)
- Wii: 51,365 24,206 (32.03%)
- PSP: 39,077 2,469 (5.94%)
- PS2: 17,787 826 (4.87%)
- PS3: 16,889 3,570 (17.45%)
- Xbox 360: 3,889 397 (11.37%)
- GBA SP: 609 2 (0.33%)
- Game Boy Micro: 588 177 (23.14%)
- Gamecube: 205 65 (24.07%)
- DS Phat: 115 20 (14.81%)
- GBA: 9 13 (59.09%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese hardware sales, Mar. 19 - Mar. 25: April Fools edition

Posted Mar 30th 2007 10:10PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

Did we say April Fools edition? We meant completely real edition. This weeks numbers, for whatever reason, are slightly unusual, so we've coupled a short explanation for each system in the chart.

- Atari Jaguar: 1,989,323 1,989,322 - In a startling turn of events, the Atari Jaguar received an unbelievable resurgence in popularity. Its success can only be attributed to a flash mob, who thought it would be funny for a bunch of people to raid a warehouse and purchase a bunch of systems wholesale.
- Wii: 134,257 9,834 - The Wii continues to sell well. In related news, mysterious living-room related deaths are rising rapidly.
- PS3: 70,942 20,771 - The PS3, despite continuous bad press, continues to grill burgers with the best of them. George Foreman's stock is rapidly falling.
- PSP: 38,211 4,032 - Poospè?
- PS2: 37,778 7,110 - While 37,778 units were sold, it turns out that only three were sold to people who weren't replacing a broken one.
- Xbox 360: 14,170 3,173 - Has anyone else noticed this heat wave lately? We're looking at you, power bricks.
- Gamecube: 666 666 - Oh my God. Run.
- GBA SP: pi e - Lawl. Pi + e = Pie.
- Xbox: i ... er ... ... dammit! - Remarkably, the Xbox managed to sell an imaginary number of units last week. Whether this is better or worse than zero units, we're not sure.
- DS Lite: 0 121,471 - Nintendo has a problem: everyone in Japan already has a DS Lite. Didn't see that one coming ....

[Source: Lamar]

Check after the break for the totally fake numbers. Yep, not like the ones above at all. Really, really fake.

Continue reading Japanese hardware sales, Mar. 19 - Mar. 25: April Fools edition

Japanese hardware sales, Mar. 12 - Mar. 18: Epic fantasy edition

Posted Mar 24th 2007 12:45AM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Features

'Cross the sultry plains of Elmer'terath Plains, a cold dust blows at the feet of the barbarian, Golgawii. He sniffs the air, reveling the fresh scent of blood. He did not think much on it, though, for he was a barbarian, and muscles are always inversely proportional to intelligence.

He had just traversed the ultimately inconsequential Amriel mountains range in the far north of the Dractonian lands, in which the Eighth War of The Ages of the Third Rule of the Kings of Men was waged between the elves, ocrs, dwarves, dragons, faeries, gnomes, trolls, ogres, and various other creatures found in Shrek. It totally ushered in a new age.

Golgawii grasped his magical pendant, which contained supermegaawesome power. He received it after trading in his magic ring carved from the Stone of Ancient Wisdom using the Blade of Strength in the ...

Will Tolkien's soul stab us after this? Maybe. The Wii triumphed in an upset victory over the top seeded PSP, which is excellent, and the disqualified DS Lite predictably demolished any possible competition. Enjoy the remainder of the (real) tournament, everyone!

- DS Lite: 121,471 12,959 (11.94%)
- Wii: 67,070 22,575 (50.74%)
- PSP: 43,769 12,406 (22.08%)
- PS3: 21,635 10,480 (32.63%)
- PS2: 13,321 1,264 (8.67%)
- Xbox 360: 2,910 423 (12.69%)
- Game Boy Micro: 727 85 (10.47%)
- GBA SP: 557 122 (17.97%)
- Gamecube: 367 127 (52.92%)
- DS Phat: 159 40 (33.61%)
- GBA: 9 4 (30.77%)

[Source: Media Create]

Japanese Hardware Sales: 22 Jan - 28 Jan: Upgraded Edition

Posted Feb 2nd 2007 10:30PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: News

You've been living in the past, dear readers. We apologize for the wait, but our new Japanese Hardware Sales 2.0 upgrade has been in development for sixteen years.

JHS 2.0 has a myriad of powerful features, available for use in the home as well as anywhere that is not your home. One look will stun you, as new advanced 3-D graphics highlight the numbers as never before. New, fluid animation enhances your overall experience by tenfold! And finally, our favorite new feature: numerical base alterations. The system hacks the internet and builds a personality database based on daily porn site visitations and illegal torrenting. It then selects a numerical base which it has deemed optimal. Our programs have shown that your optimal viewing base is in fact

thirteen

and thus, the numbers below will be automatically altered from their standard base ten format. We hope you enjoy the next wave of Japanese Hardware Sales!

If you'd like to see the old, outdated version of the sales numbers, click after the break.



aa---------------------------------------------------
aa/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaa/|
a/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaall/a|
/------------------------------------------------/aa|
| - DS Lite: 6A,707 24,597aaaaaaaa|aal|
| - Wii: 2C,178 1,282aaaaaaaaaaaa|aal|
| - PSP: 13,332 7B6aaaaaaaaaaalal|aal|
| - PS2: 9,730 4B7aaaaaaaaaaaalal|aal|
| - PS3: 9,142 674aaaaaaaaaaarraf|aal|
| - Xbox 360: 3,477 1BCaaaaaaallla|aal|
| - Game Boy Micro: 6C7 40Baaaraa|aal|
| - GBA SP: 609 2A7aaaaaaaaaalaa|aal|
| - Gamecube: 209 12Caaaraaaaaa|aa/
| - DS Phat: 64 32aaaaaaaaaaaaar|al/
| - GBA: 28 48aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar|a/
------------------------------------------------/

Also see: Joystiq's Weekly Sales Charts

Continue reading Japanese Hardware Sales: 22 Jan - 28 Jan: Upgraded Edition

Japanese Hardware Sales: 8 Jan - 14 Jan: Turnabout edition [update 2]

Posted Jan 19th 2007 11:00PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: News, Features

[Update 2: Date mix-up!]

Judge - Court is now in session. Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement.

Edgeworth - My case is simple. I shall prove that the defendant, the Nintendo Wii, is guilty beyond any reasonable doubt. His abject sabotage and subsequent murder of the DS Lite is immediately evident to those of us not blinded by a foolish, persistent belief in their clients.

Judge - And Mr. Wright?

Phoenix - He's ... wait, what did he say?

Maya - C'mon, Nick! Pay attention!

Judge - Mr. Edgeworth, you may call your first witness.

Objection!

Judge - ...

Phoenix - ...

Judge - Overruled.

Phoenix - Sunnuva ... !

Continue reading Japanese Hardware Sales: 8 Jan - 14 Jan: Turnabout edition [update 2]

The Godfather: Blackhand Edition (or, a field day for Jack Thompson)

Posted Jan 11th 2007 6:00PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: Video

Japanese hardware sales, 18 Dec - 24 Dec: New Year's Resolution Edition

Posted Dec 29th 2006 6:45PM by Jason Wishnov
Filed under: News

As we here at the Fanboy ready ourselves for the revelry of a new year, we must turn back and view 2006 through shiny, gold-tinted glasses. It's been a full twelve months of taking names and kicking ass (look forward to a special Review of 2006 series), but we can't help but think that we could do better.

What's in store for 2007? The Wii looks to hit it's stride with games like Sonic and Secret Rings, Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3, and dare we even say it, Super Smash Bros: Brawl. As online play is finally implemented, we're going to bring over Game Night from DS Fanboy, so you can have your chance to beat the crap out of us bloggers. We'll be starting up a series of Fanboy podcasts quite soon, and we'll be bringing some new talent into the fold as well.

Let's not forget, of course, the reason you guys come here in the first place: the weekly Japanese Hardware Sales posts. In case you've missed the hilarity (most of the posts came on DS Fanboy exclusively, as Wii numbers were obviously not available for most of the year) there's a run-down of every edition after the break. We're curious: which were your favorite? Let us know! We look forward to 2007, readers, and have a wonderful New Year's!

And holy hell look at those DS Lite numbers.

- DS Lite: 485,584 165,876 (51.88%)
- Wii: 279,277 171,040 (158.02%)
- PSP: 138,588 89,626 (183.05%)
- PS3: 76,882 5,940 (8.37%)
- PS2: 46,209 8,479 (22.47%)
- Xbox 360: 17,213 45 (0.26%)
- Game Boy Micro: 2,394 903 (60.56%)
- GBA SP: 1,858 9 (0.48%)
- Gamecube: 1,250 98 (8.51%)
- DS Phat: 380 222 (140.51%)
- GBA: 57 15 (35.71%)
- Xbox: 11 8 (266.67%)

[Source: Media Create]

Continue reading Japanese hardware sales, 18 Dec - 24 Dec: New Year's Resolution Edition

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