Nintendo Wii Fanboy

We've had enough time now with the Wii to discover some real gems (how many hours have you put into just Wii Sports so far?) ... but like any system, there are also a few duds, particularly within the launch window. If you're looking to expand your collection, or if you're one of the Wii-less trying to figure out how to budget when your day comes, we're here to help you find the best and the worst of the Wii so far.

So you've decided to adopt. Society applauds you for selflessly taking on the responsibility of caring for a child, dog, cat, fish or any other member of the kingdom Animalia. If you're like us and responsibility is not your cup of tea, Ubisoft is your man. Adopting something that involves guns, astrological signs, lederhosen and costs nothing sounds like the porridge for us.

Through the program Merc-Y, you can help bring love and care to a mercenary in need. These mercenaries are no ordinary mercs. They are those that must face destruction when crossing in Far Cry: Vengeance protagonist Jack Carver's path. Armed with Wiimote and nunchuk, Jack spares no one and these mercs tremble in fear. How you can help is simple. A nice letter and packaged goods sent from the heart will do. Forget hand grenades and ammunition! What they need from you is a box complete with a stuffed animal, sunscreen, romance novels (for those lonely moments), fancy drinking water and fake-nose glasses. Now that's what we call war equipment.

Our adopted mercenary is a simple, 26-year-old man with love for his mother, hang gliding and bubblegum. His turn-ons are gunfights, yellow cake and good listeners. We know what you are thinking and don't worry -- when it comes to boxers or briefs, he goes commando.

It makes us wonder if Ubisoft is trying to reach out to the softer, more nurturing side of gamers by making us feel bad for someone who chooses to put their life in danger. Or, they could be trying to coax the stereotypical female gamer into joining the "boys" in a few rounds of simulated violence, and, hopefully, commerce. Or, we could be reading too far into a joke.

[Thanks Jinx!]