Nintendo Wii Fanboy

Remember all of those awesome songs in the Golden Axe series? No, we don't either, and we love Golden Axe. Pretty much the only music we remember is the tune that plays while those little gnome jerks are looting your campsite. But that song is great. Classic Sega. Most of the time, the game is too overrun by digitized screaming for us to get a good listen to the soundtrack. We get the feeling, however, that a game starring Ax Battler, Tyris Flare, and Gilius Thunderhead must have some rockin' music.

That's why we want to kick a little gnome thief guy until one of the new Golden Axe The Music CDs falls out of his bag. On February 21st, Sega Direct will release a collection of music from all three Genesis Golden Axes, the Saturn game Golden Axe: The Duel, and both arcade games. The collection will sell for 3,500 yen total ($31).

Check after the break for ten minutes of Sega Master System Golden Axe Warrior gameplay, for no good reason. It's Zeldastic!

Golden Axe has some weird inconsistencies regarding names. First, the name Golden Axe implies that there would be some kind of golden axe in the game. But the axe-wielding character's axe is silver. And, more confusingly, the axe-carrying warrior is not the guy named "Ax Battler"-- he uses a sword.

We don't care if people don't like the Golden Axe games anymore. We still love playing them. We love riding chicken monsters as a huge cat-guy. We love the "bleah" sound all the enemies make when they die in Golden Axe II.

Golden Axe (GEN)
More Continues: At the character selection screen, hold down-left, A, and C. Release all the buttons and press Start. You'll have nine continues, which should help make up for all the jerks hitting you in the back while you're in the middle of a combo. Also the jerks running and jumping into you when you're trying to ride the chicken monster. The hard part is releasing the buttons at the appropriate time to choose your character (Gilius Thunderhead, of course) since holding down-left causes you to cycle through characters.

Golden Axe II (GEN)
Tons of magic: This glitch requires a little bit of inconvenience, but it's totally worth it. When the boss music starts to play in one of the first four levels, hold the A button and don't release it until the screen turns black. During the bonus stage, don't press any buttons at all. When the next stage starts, you'll have 255 magic points. If you try to use more than your character's maximum in one spell, you'll freeze the game.

Altered Beast (GEN)
Beast select: There don't seem to be any cheats for the once Japan-and-Sega Channel-exclusive Golden Axe III, so we decided to sub in another Genesis game that features anthropomorphic monster guys. This code will let you play as any of the game's beasts, including the rolling bear guy! At the title screen, hold all three buttons, then press Start. You'll be taken to a menu in which you can choose the beast transformation for each of the game's five stages!