Nintendo Wii Fanboy

If you've managed to get this far in your internet life without running into Goatse, congratulations! Do yourself a favor and keep it that way -- trust us on this one.

It has been months since Chinese accessory manufacturers last entertained us with inane Wii remote attachments; we were beginning to fear that they had run out of wacky ideas! But here comes the Ball Bearing Maze Special Salver [sic] to cure our accessory doldrums!

With this handy, Kororinpa-branded product, all you need to do is drop your remote into that center compartment, and you'll have more exciting, immersive experience playing marble/labyrinthine games such as Kororinpa: Marble Mania and, uh, that's it. Similarly designed games like Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz, Mercury Meltdown Revolution, and Dewy's Adventure all require easy access to the controller's buttons, so this accessory wouldn't work well with those.

Couple that limited support with the Maze Special Salver's pricing, $27.99 plus shipping/handling, and this attachment looks almost as unattractive as the terrible image its design alludes to. You would be better off taping your remote to a cafeteria tray!

[Via Go Nintendo]

If these ten reasons weren't enough to motivate you into grabbing yourself a copy of Dewy's Adventure, try considering this argument: Amazon has the cutesy labyrinthine game on sale for $19.79.

Despite the control issues many reviewers cited with Dewy's Adventure, we have to commend Konami for taking a risk producing an original title, and it's a Wii exclusive at that! It's a shame that it didn't sell very well in any of the three major territories. As usual, we can't guarantee that this deal will be available for long, so take advantage of it while you can.

Why don't scientists show a little more imagination? Genetically engineered Chocobos would solve most of the world's problems in a stroke. Traffic jams would be a thing of the past and all those cute yellow beasties running around would keep everyone way too happy for war or, y'know, other bad stuff.

It may be some time before this vision becomes a reality, leaving us with Chocobo's Dungeon: Labyrinth of Forgetting, which is heading to Wii in the not-too-distant future. The Chocobo's Dungeon games feature randomly generated levels, making them a little different every time you play. Details on the new title are pretty thin on the ground at the moment; expect more news at the end of the month.

Infendo has taken a snarky poke at the bevy of Marble Madness-y labyrinthine games gearing up for appearances on the Wii, and frankly, we too are surprised at the sheer number of such titles. Super Monkey Ball (obviously) already featured ball-rolling as one of the better parts of an uneven offering, and now three more upcoming games are centered around labyrinth puzzles.

You know, we love rolling balls as much as the next guy, and certainly the gametype suits the console on many levels; the controller and the games-for-everyone theme are both well-supported here. But four games in the first year seems a little excessive. The Wiimote is also really well-suited to pointing and shooting, but we don't need four simple shooting gallery games, either. Sure, each game has different features. In Dewy's Adventure, the "marble" can go vaporous or crystallize into ice. Awesome. Except at the end of the day, it's still all about rolling around from here to there. This is really a pretty simple theme, and there are only so many variations on it. How many labyrinth games are we really going to buy? Does anyone expect to own all of these?