Nintendo Wii Fanboy

We know there must be a few new Wii owners out there taking a break from their video game playing to research their Christmas console. While there are a number of routines you can practice to ensure your system's longevity, please remember to keep these three things in mind:

1. If you expose it to the light, you may hurt it
2. If you get it wet, it will multiply
3. Most important, no matter how much it begs, never, never let it eat after midnight

If none of this makes any sense to you, or if you just want to relive your 80s youth, peek past the break for a video explanation.

See also: Because you can never be too safe

We admit it. Sometimes we just jump right in to a game without busting out the manual first. We figure, hey, we're professionals here. We've been doing this gaming thing for years. We've progressed far beyond reading the manual before getting into the game.

Of course, we're also often wrong, and we retreat, tails between our legs, and start flipping through the little booklet, grumbling all the while.

The thing of it is, we remember way back in the way back, in the days when we were smaller than we are now, reading the manual was one of the best parts of getting a new game! The useless character profiles that we pored over, the descriptions of monsters, the control schemes ... it was all part of preparation. Maybe we've just grown impatient in our old age. What approach do you take? Do you read the manual before you start a new game? If not, did you ever, or have you always been a risk-taker?

You've heard the stories. Seen it on the news. Nintendo Wii consoles, on a rampage. Decimating joints, impaling innocent television screens, and taking candy from babies. We here at Nintendo Wii Fanboy place your safety at the very tippy-top of our list (but right below Twilight Princess), and thus, we'd like you to peruse this new and improved safety catalog for the Wii.

Some things on this list were obvious, like not skydiving with the Wii and attempting to use it as a parachute. But did you know that the Wii cannot toast bread? Fooled the hell out of us. We beg of you: for your own safety, take a glance at these helpful pictures.

The more you know.

[via GameBrink; thanks to all those that sent this in!]

When we were going over the manual looking for tips on transferring save data, we found several other key items that looked to be of great importance to those dying to get their hands on the Wii and the moderately interested. In super-smooth, bullet point form, we've broken them down for your convenience and stashed them past the break. It's kind of a long list ...