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Real Bowser stalks our nightmares

Back in March, this realistic depiction of Mario made us hide beneath our beds, though that was nothing compared with the horrors of what followed.

Now, some twisted internet japester has reinvented Bowser in a similar fashion. Gone is the happy-go-lucky Bowser, the ultimately lovable, pantomime-esque villain with an addiction to kidnapping royalty. And in his place? Teeth. Scales. Leathery flesh. Claws that could rip through a plumber's torso like a warm knife through butter. Please, won't somebody think of the children us?

Creep apprehensively past the break for the full image.

Continue reading Real Bowser stalks our nightmares

Real Mario just got a lot scarier

If a the above image wasn't enough of a scare for you, then know that some person who is very much interested in causing you nightmares has decided to go and animate the thing. That's right, this "real-life Mario" now actually speaks and blinks its eyes. We suggest you only click through to the animated picture if you want to:
  • scare children
  • not sleep tonight
  • know what the face of evil looks like

Super Real Mario Brother is super unpleasant


Poor Mario. Thanks to this simulated image of what he might look like in real life, the internet has turned against him. You often don't hear words like "creepy" and "pedophile" associated with the portly plumber, but with this picture, it's hard to think anything else.

Even so, this image (which was created by Pixeloo using Photoshop CS2) isn't completely fair to the lovable Nintendo hero. For example, why are his eyes so unrealistically big? Also, that thing on his mouth looks more like a raccoon tail than an actual 'stache. Still, this is certainly an interesting conversation piece -- one that makes us hope that Mario will continue looking cartoony for eternity. A realistic looking Mario definitely enters the Uncanny Valley, which is one place our favorite plumber should never dare to venture.

[Thanks, Mark and Mikey!]

A Fantastical Invention from The Nintendo Company

A marvelous band of machinists and engineers have crafted a most peculiar device that they are calling the Nintendo Wii. The larger box emits an eerie hum and a sort of unusual glow when activated, and it creates the most captivating images! Truly, it is as if a match of tennis or tenpins is taking place outside a curious window.

But that is not the most mystifying feature: By manipulating the wand contraption, you are able to compel one of the beguiling puppets in the window to do your bidding! We must now search the local shoppes and emporia for a Wii of our own, though we imagine that something as imbued with wonder as this entertainment engine is a rare delight.

(This steampunk-style Wii is a somethingawful.com Photoshop Phriday entry. A similar Wiimote image, as well as a DS, can be found on the same page. Modders, you have your orders.)

Fake Wii wounds are the new pink

Some folks will do anything for a little attention, and we're happy to oblige, particularly when we get to showcase our big daddy blog Joystiq in a spot of debunking. A reader sent them pictures of his bruised face (and bruised television) and blamed the whole thing on the Wii. He really should have blamed his poor Photoshop skills. Next time you try to scam folks, may we suggest not choosing the second result on a Google image search? Make us dig a little deeper.

Apparently, Wiinjuries and Wiisasters are the hip new accessories for gamers everywhere. Forgot those NES belt buckles. The cool kids 'chop in fake Wii wounds for their MySpace pics, and the more hardcore idiots are probably going around actually punching one another in the face with Wiimotes. We just hope someone films it. Where's Jackass when you need it?

On a side note, anyone else think the word "wiinjuries" should die along with all these yawnariffic claims of Wii-related disasters?

Official Red Steel boxart [update 1]

Ehhhh...
That's right. It's red, and full of steely goodness.

Alas, we here at the Fanboy think it's rather uninspired. The logo remains unchanged from the serviceable "sword for t, gun for l" setup they've been showing off since E3, but the background is way too Kill Bill. Too bland? Too "I could have made that in Photoshop"? Let us know, o' judges of the box.

Oh, and a thousand pardons for the nasty, icky IGN watermark; this seems to be the only copy floating around on the web.

[Update 1: Check out IGN's compilation of confirmed Wii boxart!]

Honey, get the camera...it's Wii's first ad!

Mmmmarketing.
Over in Germany, the magazine "Games Aktuell" has printed what appears to be the first Wii advertisement from Nintendo. It's quite obvious that despite the momentum Nintendo has, they need one hell of a marketing campaign to reach the desired non-gaming crowd. Is this a start?

The ad is amazingly simple, to the point of several accusations of "WTF LOL PHOTOSHOP". While many of us may have to ability to make such an ad, its simplicity still has a certain, ah, je ne sais quoi unbegrenzte kraft, no? Today, a German magazine ad. Tomorrow, the world Opera!

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