Nintendo Wii Fanboy

And statements don't get much vaguer than that, do they? Lazard Capital Markets analyst Colin Sebastian has published an investor note concerning the next round of consoles, full of words such as "may" and "could." According to Sebastian, new hardware is most likely to appear from the industry's major players in 2012, though he thinks Nintendo's next home console may release sooner, and could be an upgraded Wii with increased processing power, greater storage for moaning geeks and otaku, and DVD playback capabilities.

Our problem with this? Sebastian seems to automatically assume that Nintendo will simply produce a box stuffed with superior technology. Anybody who has followed Nintendo over the last five years will know that that is probably the last thing the company is likely to do.

And by "Wii hard drive" we actually mean "portable air conditioner." This image emerged from the bowels of the internet earlier today, purporting to be a Nintendo-designed hard drive for the Wii. The pranksters responsible for this didn't count on the razor-sharp observational skills of one JC Fletcher, who located this familiar-looking air conditioner at Amazon Japan. Nintendo had earlier dismissed the image as "rumor and speculation" when CVG inquired, but this pretty much nails it.

Not that this forgery is good for nothing -- for example, it does give us an excuse to once again raise the issue of where the heck our storage solution is, Reggie, and also a chance to guide you into our Wii mockup gallery of lulz.

Yamazen portable air conditioner here
Nintendo's denial here

[Update: Spelling correction!]

Holographic storage is a technology that we totally don't understand well enough to explain. Apparently, it's a method of storing data in which data is stored throughout the whole volume of a medium, rather than just the surface, allowing for more storage space on a disc. Basically, storage media with multiple-terabyte capacity.

Nintendo's name has shown up as a joint applicant on a patent application by InPhase Technologies for a scanner to read such holographic discs. Is Nintendo planning to solve the hard-drive issue with massive overkill, or are they planning to introduce a new format for their next system's games -- with massive overkill? Maybe nothing will come of this. Or maybe nothing will come of this for a long time.

[Via NeoGAF]

Reggie recently sat down for a little chat with Stephen Totilo from MTV Multiplayer to discuss what's on everyone's mind. No, not the company's showing at E3, but rather the storage issues of the console.

He said that "from an Americas-centric perspective," the Wii's storage limitations are becoming a "mainstream" problem. Again, he reiterates that the company is working on a solution, but isn't ready to reveal any specifics yet.

Seriously, Nintendo, how long are you going to wait? Each week, more Virtual Console and WiiWare content releases and gamers can't download because they have no space!

[Thanks, il_duce620!]

That "storage problem" bingo space is going to be pristine forever -- no marking shall touch it. Even if the bingo card extended out of the keynote and across E3 (unless they make a surprise announcement later or something). Nintendo senior director of corporate communications, Charlie Scibetta, told a combined Fanboy/Joystiq Interview Squad that the company isn't planning to fix the VC/WiiWare/DLC storage issue anytime soon. Scibetta repeated the unchanged company position:

"We hear gamers loud and clear on that. What's great about the songs and the games that you can download is that the system remembers that you did that. So if you need to clear off space off your SD card, you can. It's not like once you delete them you've lost them forever and you have to pay for them again. It's just a matter of managing the space you do have and keeping the stuff on there that you play the most while clearing up when you want to bring new stuff on."

This puts Sega, who planned to "cross that bridge when they come to it" with the Samba de Amigo DLC, directly in front of a bridge.

Keep an eye on Wii Fanboy for more of our interview with Mr. Scibetta.

Kind of weird how storage issues never came up at the E3 keynote, huh? We thought so, too. And, when Shigeru Miyamoto got cornered by the folks at IGN, they asked him about the lack of storage love.

"There isn't anything that we can announce today, but we have been thinking along a variety of different lines regarding this matter for some time now," Shiggy said. "So my hope is that sometime in the not too distant future we will be able to discuss some concrete solutions." So, all hope is not lost. Nintendo is at least still on the case. It's just that they're taking longer than we'd all like.

When the Wii was released, it was small, especially compared to the behemoth consoles manufactured by the competition. But after the wheel and the zapper and digging out the GameCube controllers, and finding a place for the balance board -- and don't forget, you'll need those maracas, too -- does it feel like the tiny system has grown a little? Is it taking over the living room? How do you manage all the extras?

After screwing up and subsequently apologizing, Nintendo Europe's Laurent Fischer wants to get back to work. He does so by addressing the ever-present desire for extra Wii storage space. Yeah, kind of a touchy subject to bring up so soon after Fischergate, but there has to be some big revelation, right?

Well, apparently Nintendo are "working on a solution," but "there's no plan to issue hardware." Fischer is referring to an external hard drive, a device that geeks and otaku gamers are eager to get. Iwata gave everyone hope, but those sentiments have been pretty much squared away in the bollocks box. There's always talk, always rumors and speculation, but still no storage -- and now, no plans.

Check out the full feature for more details, but beyond telling us what we already know, Fischer and Nintendo aren't revealing anything.

The internet, as it tends to do on occasions, went and got itself in a great big tizzy last week, after Nintendo of Europe's Laurent Fischer suggested that only "geeks and otaku" cared about the Wii's storage issue. It wasn't the smartest move of Fischer's career, and it attracted considerable bile -- and not just from Nintendo fans.

God of War creator David Jaffe, as he tends to do on occasions, got narked, and expressed his annoyance over the comment in a colorful entry on his blog. After dedicating a hefty part of his amusing rant to comparing Fischer's remarks with 1987 film Can't Buy Me Love, Jaffe accused Nintendo of "arrogance [...] that should make the company very ashamed," and suggests that Fischer "has no real clue" about games -- all while getting Fischer's gender wrong (" ... she really needs someone to sit her down and explain to her ... "). Brilliant.

Anyway, just as Jaffe was about to hoisted onto the shoulders of Nintendo fans everywhere, Fischer went and spoiled all the fun by apologizing ... sort of. "I have huge respect for those who, like me, share a common passion for Nintendo and want to make it clear that I would never use and I didn't use this terminology in such a context or way to cause offence," Fischer blubbed. "I regret that this misunderstanding has created such offence and disappointment within the community."

It's not the most heartfelt apology we've ever heard, but we'll take it. Now give us a hard drive, Fischer.

[Via Eurogamer]

Now that Iwata has said that folks at Nintendo might be considering doing something about the storage crisis, it's time to get our speculation on about what will happen. Will we hear an announcement at E3? Perhaps before, or -- gasp -- after? We would hate to wait! And what'll it be? A new model with a built-in hard drive? Considering the continuing difficulty some people have with simply laying hands on a Wii, that seems unlikely, but multiple SKUs have worked for the other systems. Still, that sort of solution seems far, far less likely than an upgrade allowing larger SD cards or additional plug-in flash memory. Do you think we'll see a solution by the end of the year, and do you care to guess just what it might be?

Yes, you read that title correctly. The dire situation regarding every Wii owner not having enough storage space is being considered by the Big N, so you can all bet we're happy campers. While Nintendo president Satoru Iwata doesn't come out and say that Nintendo is working on a hard drive for the console, or some other solution, he does say enough to get our hopes up for some sort of memory expansion (or support for external hard drives through USB).

"Statistically speaking, it is true that there are a small number of customers who feel that the flash memory is too small, while many others find that they have plenty of memory," says Iwata. "However, because this small number of people are none other than the most avid players, we know we have to review the best possible solution to eliminate their inconvenience." Interesting bit in that last line, if we may say so.

We all know that being able to re-download something just isn't a good enough solution because, well, it's a total pain. But, if Nintendo can come up with a solution to our storage space issues that doesn't provide us with a hard drive to buy or support for USB external drives, we'll be fine with it. We just need something to help us eliminate the chore of moving things around each and every week.

[Via IGN; Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

Even Wii lovers can find a few things to complain about, but let's be real here -- if you're going to complain, make sure your beef is accurate (and worth writing home about). Chad Sapieha of the Globe and Mail's Controller Freak blog seems to disagree with that, however. While we have to offer up kudos over the fact that he spread the anti-love around evenly among all three current-generation consoles in his recent post of hate, we still take issue with some of his Wii complaints.

His first complaint about the Wii is that it isn't as cheap as it appears. In order to play the best multiplayer games on the system, he says, within the comfort of your home with friends, you have to buy three more controllers and three nunchuks. To support this, he uses the examples of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Wii Sports. However, you don't need four nunchuks for the latter unless you feel like building a rounded tower, and the only game that even requires four Wii remotes is four-player tennis. As for Brawl, it seems likely to us that most Wii owners who have picked up Brawl have a GameCube controller or two lying around, and since that seems to be the preferred way to play anyway, that certainly cuts down the expense. Next he mentions the required investment of a 4 GB card for "avid downloaders," but we're of the opinion that "avid downloaders" who are strapped for cash might just do what Nintendo recommends, and download, delete, and re-download at need. We're not saying the Wii's storage system is without problem, but a 4 GB card is hardly a must.

Sapieha's other complaints strike chords, however, even if one is the most rehashed complaint of all: friend codes. His other issue? The lack of demos for Virtual Console games. While we agree that demos would be awesome, there's no shortage of videos of Virtual Console games available. Not only can you get them on Nintendo's official site, but you can see 'em right here, too. It may not be as good as a demo, but it's better than nothing.

The point? If these are the worst things we can find to complain about, Wii owners are doing okay.

We may complain a lot about the Wii's meager storage capacity, but are we using SD cards? A lot of Wii owners we know -- and not the casual owners, either -- have yet to put anything onto a card. Of course, with Wii Ware coming, that may yet change, but how does the situation stand for now? Are you storing anything? Have you even put a card into your Wii? Or are you just deleting things when -- or if -- you find that you need space?

Woot, if you're not familiar with the site, sells one heavily discounted closeout item per day, or until they run out. The site has become somewhat of a daily routine for technology enthusiasts who enjoy the occasional $10 MP3 player or ridiculous TV deal. Today's Woot deal is something that may be of interest to Wii owners -- more space for the fridge!

Until 12AM CST (or they run out), you can get a 2GB Dane Elec SD card for $6.99 plus $5 shipping. You may not be able to run VC games off of the SD card, but you can store them there! Also pictures and music and what have you. If you've ever wanted to experiment with the Wii's storage options, this is as good a time as any!

While we're talking Woot, at the risk of sounding like a paid endorsement (we're not), their t-shirt site is really neat.

[Thanks, Zack!]

But how practical is that? Picture yourself in a year. Will you really want to do that? Will you even want to use SD cards? And re-downloading is twice as bad considering that sometimes, there are just issues with the Virtual Console and downloads don't go through. How often does this happen to you? For us, it's only been a few times, but it's still a problem that could be avoided here ... if we only had a hard drive.